Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

  • Mood:

Doing more before 9 am

Started my day waking just before 5:00. Had trouble sleeping, or rather, staying asleep, so by that time I was ready to get moving. Since I'm taking the day off (my first real one since 27 September, I realized this morning), I have the luxury of napping later if the desire arises. Should do a lot of cleaning today, but I'm already thinking I'll likely only do a bit.

What I have done so far today is enjoy morning coffee with virtual company, typed a weekly report, sent fifteen emails and deleted over five hundred, leaving me with a work email inbox of a svelte twenty-eight. Yes, I realize it's odd and seemingly counterproductive to do that much work on a day off, but these are steps toward rest and away from frenzy. I have margin and feel better already. Breakfast– just completed– was the Bagel Deli's breakfast special: a poppyseed bagel with egg, ham, and cheese plus a mug of Earl Grey.

Often I've felt tired of people, but as I slow down, I realize that this isn't the case. I'm tired of their needs, their demands on me, real or perceived. I suspect it's far, far more of the latter, owing to largely to my hero complex, self-idolatry, and lack of trust in God's care for others and myself. I believe I do and will truly enjoy and love the people in my life, if only I choose to rest enough to simply be with them.

Cool, grey, time, space, breakfast. These are things I've needed and needed to enjoy. I feel blessed and human.
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