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Victrola

Doing more before 9 am

Started my day waking just before 5:00. Had trouble sleeping, or rather, staying asleep, so by that time I was ready to get moving. Since I'm taking the day off (my first real one since 27 September, I realized this morning), I have the luxury of napping later if the desire arises. Should do a lot of cleaning today, but I'm already thinking I'll likely only do a bit.

What I have done so far today is enjoy morning coffee with virtual company, typed a weekly report, sent fifteen emails and deleted over five hundred, leaving me with a work email inbox of a svelte twenty-eight. Yes, I realize it's odd and seemingly counterproductive to do that much work on a day off, but these are steps toward rest and away from frenzy. I have margin and feel better already. Breakfast– just completed– was the Bagel Deli's breakfast special: a poppyseed bagel with egg, ham, and cheese plus a mug of Earl Grey.

Often I've felt tired of people, but as I slow down, I realize that this isn't the case. I'm tired of their needs, their demands on me, real or perceived. I suspect it's far, far more of the latter, owing to largely to my hero complex, self-idolatry, and lack of trust in God's care for others and myself. I believe I do and will truly enjoy and love the people in my life, if only I choose to rest enough to simply be with them.

Cool, grey, time, space, breakfast. These are things I've needed and needed to enjoy. I feel blessed and human.

Comments

I'm tired of their needs, their demands on me, real or perceived. I suspect it's far, far more of the latter, owing to largely to my hero complex, self-idolatry, and lack of trust in God's care for others and myself. I believe I do and will truly enjoy and love the people in my life, if only I choose to rest enough to simply be with them.

Gosh, I relate to this so much. You have no idea. I guess my problem is that I feel like I'm not allowed to just be with people. I'm supposed to be helping, giving, doing, all the time. It's exhausting. I'm sorry you feel this way too.
It is exhausting, and I grow to resent people for burdens they largely either didn't place on me or didn't realize they did. They're self-imposed, mostly, and when I slow down and get honest, Jesus' words to Martha from Luke 10 begin to ring in my mind and heart:

You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.

It's reassuring and freeing to admit that most of the problem is with me, because I know He's at work in me. He promised.
reminds me, again, of something we discussed at BSF the other week. We were talking about David and when he fled from Saul. in 1 Samuel 22:2, we see the first group of men gather to him as his followers. God says that they were distressed, in debt, and discontented. meanwhile, David, their leader, is living in a cave because he can't return to the city because Saul will kill him!

strange the circumstances in which God gives us ministry, and the specimens of humanity to which to minister.
Eugene Peterson's book Leap Over a Wall gives some rich perspective on everyday faith in a messy world (even though I like poking fun at Peterson's penchant for creating words). There's an excellent chapter on the gathering of rogues and outcasts at Ziklag being an early incarnation of the church.
That thought often comes to my mind - I just want to be. I've posted that sentiment somewhere in the past. My problem is getting so emotionally worked up about things or caring too much about what others think of me. But I really just want to be.

'svelte' - I love that word.:)
I loved reading it in your journal– I remember that. My Community Group has been speaking the same way, which encourages me. Maybe God is speaking and we are learning to listen.

There are days I wish you and Jason lived in Seattle, too.