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Black

Lacking gratitude

mood: thoughtful thoughtful
Just walked home from the church building to get a key I discovered was in my pocket all along, so now I'm walking back. Seems to be a sick day for a number of our usual Sunday servants as well. Lots of frustrations, and I am frustrated, yet my mind has been fixed on gratitude and my lack of it all morning.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired so much of the time. It's a rotten attitude I carry with me too often. Remembering the truth, having faith, believing the gospel results in an underlying spirit of gratitude in all circumstances. Indeed, how can it not?

Don't want to fake it, however. There's no life in that, none at all, and my bitter parts will simply grow more bitter and ugly by the day if I (continue to) try to live by pretense. It's going to require that I be with God and ask Him to be with me, something I desperately long for and am desperately afraid of.

Back at the church now, so time to go.

Posted on Sep. 28th, 2003 at 08:12 am | | Communicate | 7 communications |

Comments


barlow_girl

Ok, not to be the Pollyanna and be too optimistic and a tiny bit argumentative here, but:

I think there's a difference between being fake and "continually offering a sacrifice of praise to God." Heb. 13:15 In other words, I think that God knows and expects us not to feel the same way all the time - but He also knows that we are creatures, and our feelings end up following where we put our minds and bodies with effort. That's why it's a sacrifice.

I'm done now.
Posted on Sep. 28th, 2003 02:32 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

Are you being argumentative? I don't see it; this is part and parcel of my point. Just because things are in tension doesn't make them contradictory– God is worthy of praise and I don't have it to give in my flesh alone, so I need to be with Him and Him with me. There's the tension. The solution to my inadequacy is not the power of positive thinking. It's God.

Sorry if I am being unclear.
Posted on Sep. 28th, 2003 02:41 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

barlow_girl

You weren't unclear at all. I jumped to a conclusion, really. Not to excuse, but merely explain my thought, I guess I hear from a lot of people - "I can't do xy or z (obey) because my heart's not in it. So until I can be sincere, I'll just disobey."

But that's not what you said. That's just what I heard.

I think one of my bigger faults (I have many, of varying degrees) is that I am quick to judge and, often, to think the worst of people, which is un-loving. I apologize that I did that to you.

I am going to the grocery store now. I used the last of the coffee this morning, and a coffee-less morning is a recipe for disaster. Especially on a Monday. :)
Posted on Sep. 28th, 2003 03:31 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

banzai

No worries– there's an amazing propensity for getting ourselves off the hook that way. Trick is that God is the independent variable. Whenever I'm out of alignment, I need to come to grips with my need of Him and my need to be changed by Him.

I thoroughly enjoy your journal and comments. So if coffee fuels you, get lots.
Posted on Sep. 28th, 2003 10:58 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

barlow_girl

Am now hooked up with enough coffee to fuel many more journal comments. ;) Bought some from my favorite source on the internet (http://www.puravidacoffee.com - they rock) and some tide-me-over colombian blend from Kroger until that comes in the mail.

My thought for the day re: above thread -

Maybe I will start my prayers now with "Dear Sovereign Independent Variable,"...
Posted on Sep. 29th, 2003 10:24 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

banzai

Pura Vida are my suppliers at the office as well (one of our members used to work there). No wonder we get along.
Posted on Sep. 29th, 2003 10:32 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

barlow_girl

i heart pura vida!! i wish i knew how to make that little icon like chippa or carrie_apple.
Posted on Sep. 29th, 2003 10:39 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply