Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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Restoration

Not much substance here lately. Been working some crazy hours trying to plow through ongoing office computer problems; my stubbornness probably made the process longer than it needed to be. Jim came through with a replacement hard drive for the PC today, and after a bit of massaging, our database and financial records are back up and running. Did most of the week's normal work today, which speaks both highly and poorly of my abilities. On the real scorecard, however, it's a testament to His grace.

Love to claim that work is the only reason I've been less than substantive; things are rarely so cut and dried.

I've been a stranger to prayer, aside from the quick upshot to God, a cursory blessing over the occassional meal, or praying in a group as I think I ought. Somewhere along the line I stopped believing— in practice, not merely in principle— that God answers prayer, that He comes through. And so I have asked half-heartedly or not at all, and I do not have because I do not ask. Such power, yet I am insistent on relying on my own. Why would I do such a thing? The answer is as embarrassing as my foolishness, as disappointing as my faithlessness, and as convicting as my idolatry of myself— my desire to be God. That's a motivation that chills me with its familarity.

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me of Yourself, for inviting me to petition Your throne. There's a lot on the docket.
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