Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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Logs and planks

I seek to cure what's deep inside
Frightened of this thing that I've become

—Toto, "Africa"


It's been rough. Wish I could explain, but I can't. Mercifully, I was jostled awake today by a few reminders that the world is bigger than me. More of us could use more of those more of the time.

I scare the living daylights out of myself sometimes. Frustrated by the self-involvement of others, I find myself in an even deeper pit of my own. The truly frightening part is the distinct possibility that I was in it all along.

This is mercy, I remind myself. "Let God minister to you," someone says, and each word hits like a velvet hammer. Maybe that's what this is.
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline
and do not resent His rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those He loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

—Proverbs 3:11-12
I need reminders of what's my life and what's not, what's my responsibility and what isn't, what's real and what's fantasy. I see the wreckage that occurs without that, behind and ahead. I can't be faithful without being grounded in reality.

Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on

—Peter Gabriel, "I Grieve"
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