Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Finding some new rhythms and struggling with old stuff along the way. Yesterday I looked at a prospective apartment just to look, to keep from being or staying in a rut. It was unimpressive and made me thankful for my wonderful pad. The warm-to-hot weather also makes me appreciate having a nice daylight basement apartment. Yet it's good to keep looking and keep out of the rut. One day I'd love a view of the city, mountains, and sound, or a fireplace, or both.

Cycle: weariness, bad choices, failure, guilt, repeat. Need the discipline to interrupt that cycle.

Telecommuted for most of the day so that I could get other things done as well. Since I have to work tomorrow morning, it was important to trade out some of the time for personal maintenance.

Talked with my Community Group about technology (e-mail, mobile phones) and my frustrations with limits, which I've wrestled with often here. Felt odd, because the vast majority of our time was just catching up with one another, which had degenerated to small talk, and then I took us straight to the deep end of the pool. When I was done with my monologue, I think I left them stunned. Always wonder if anyone really understood, and almost always assume they didn't.

Before the small talk, we talked with Grace about her weekend. She went climbing with her boyfriend David and he had a terrible fall while she was on belay for him, breaking both of his legs. Much of the talk centered on how it happened and how he is doing, but I grew concerned about how she's doing and frustrated that we weren't more focused on her. There's a lot of fear and hurt in her from the event, and I can't expect everyone to sense it the way I do.

What things are better revealed than discovered?

Just want us to love one another well. I have much to learn in that regard.

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