Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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'Til we have faces

If we have the idea that we have to put on our "spiritual face" before we can come near to God, then we will never come near to Him. We must come as we are.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (5 July, "Don't Plan Without God")

Do other people have weekly rhythms of mood? Though the content is different, the stimuli varied, each day feels very much like its counterpart the week before. This might not be so bothersome if I liked those feelings, but for the most part, I don't. Saturday, for example, feels rushed and overfull with tasks I cannot (or do not) correctly prioritize. Saturday exists in the looming shadow of Sunday, with arrangements to secure and volunteers to put into place. When Saturday has an evening activity, such as tonight's potluck, I anticipate it with dread and a bit of resentment, even if it's something I would otherwise enjoy. Perhaps Saturday is selfish, like Friday, but with the burden of knowing I must come through for others on Sunday morning.

Mostly bothered by myself in this. I know that much of what I feel is the result of the same bad choices, over and over, week after week. And I hate ruts.

Yet the only man I have to bring before my Lord is this one. Not the one I pretend to be, not the one others expect me to be, not the one I'd like to be. Just this man. So often I do not come at all.

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