Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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The broken day

Today I did not leave my apartment. I did not open my blinds. I did not shower until after 19:00. I accepted three telephone calls, two of which left me discouraged. There are bad days, or at least days when bad things happen, and then there are days we simply handle poorly. Today was entirely the latter.

A blip, I hope—an outlier, an exception to the rule, a setback rather than a change in trajectory. No single cause or trigger of which I am aware; just unleashed brokenness. It's scary to want oblivion, escape, release rather than healing. I wanted everything but God.

Better now, I think. The distance I have to go is farther than I expected, and I have fewer to lean on than I hoped. But there is One, Faithful and True. Perhaps He is removing everything else.

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