The Banzai Chronicles

'Tis the First Sight and Second Thoughts ye have, and 'tis a wee gift an' a big curse to ye. You see and hear what others canna, the world opens up its secrets to ye, but ye're always like the person at the party with the wee drink in the corner who canna join in. There's a little bitty bit inside ye that willna melt and flow.

–Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

afterthefall commented that she saw the above quote in hrairoo's journal and thought of me. Pretty spot on.

Haven't accomplished much today, but I showed up, and sometimes that's all one can do. Perhaps the remains of the day will bring an explosion of energy and/or productivity. Wouldn't advise banking on that, however.

Because God seems to enjoy irony in His dealings with me, this week is completely socially booked: dinner out with expressedinword, taci, and friends tonight, dinner and jazz with Ann tomorrow, dinner at the Millers' Thursday, a business meeting, a graduation dinner party for Ashley, and a birthday party for Michelle on Friday, Community Group potluck on Saturday, and our All-Church Lunch on Sunday. Perhaps it is His way of taking care of me. Not dreading any of these commitments at the moment, nor am I able to be as appreciative or excited as I ought to be. Just emotionally numb and flat, but functional.

Have some truly awful coping mechanisms that need to change. Time to get back to some basics and see where that can take me.