Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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The thunder in this day

Thunder is a Seattle rarity. Seems appropriate to my day: dark and solitary, punctuated by midday sleep and disturbing dreams, visions of love lost and not to be. A sense of foreboding: something is wrong, and it is personal.

Though this may be an important awareness, it is not something to be lost in. Need that reminder, too.

Community Group was good last night; been too long since we were in the Word together. Went outside to try to catch the lunar eclipse, but were thwarted by clouds. Joined Blanche, Cynthia, John, and MiYoung at Victrola afterward. Still wish I were better able to connect with others. I tried, though, and one hopes that counts for something, even if only for something small.

My friend who posted “Bookkeeping” in his blog messaged me to let me know it had received the following comment from another of his friends:
...poem touched something in me so I visited his web site where I was further impressed with his other works and introspective journal. I would have to agree; he is brilliant!
Friends I can dismiss, with humor or rationalization, be they online or in person. I have no place in me for compliments like this, however, except maybe in flushed cheeks. And perhaps a hope that they might understand, in a way that those who know me otherwise do not? But this is not a hope that gives me anything at all, because if such understanding exists, it is too far from touching my soul to do me any good.

I pray for a better day tomorrow, maybe even a better night tonight.

I do remember. I just remember differently.

–Lieutenant Worf, "Parallels"

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