?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Arch

Anniversary

Off and on in my mind, I’ve known that I’ve been coming up on an anniversary of sorts. The remembrance is more undertone than thought, something that colors my feelings and perceptions through everything else in my life. As I walked into the theater this afternoon to see X2: X-Men United with Nate and John, Coldplay’s “Trouble” played over the speakers. As music often does, it brought me into focus.

A year ago, I had a dream, marking the beginning– or return to– a larger journey. I do indeed have my life back, confusing as ever, with a fair share of new twists. The last year has been spent learning what love requires and what it means to be faithful, getting intimately acquainted with irony and weirdness. I’ve given and received, taken risks and taken losses. Made plenty of mistakes, and though I learned from them and their costs, I learned still more from the ones I didn’t make and why.

I don’t think it gets easier from here, and honestly, I don’t know that I want it to. I know who I am, and I’d rather face the fire than run from it. Show up and see what happens. Where else would I go?

Comments

There's that weirdness thing again - lol!

I've so cluttered my life with less-wild lovers. This love is a more dangerous thing by far. I saw my substitutes in their full desirability, yet saw beyond to the love they've been keeping me from enjoying, the love I've been longing for all my life.

I so know what you mean by that. Yet, I still sometimes long for the substitutes when the real thing doesn't feel real enough just in the moment. ::sighs::



I just wanted to say I find your journal interesting. Although it's quite cryptic and I'm never exactly sure what you're talking about, I dig reading it.
Ditto.
Thanks to both of you for this. Trust me, things are often no more clear simply for the sake of knowing details. It's good to be able to write and share what I can, with the hope that it might be both resonant and honest.

Deep thoughts

"I don’t think it gets easier from here, and honestly, I don’t know that I want it to. I know who I am, and I’d rather face the fire than run from it. Show up and see what happens. Where else would I go?"

I think I know what you mean by this. About a year & a half ago, I asked God to refine me. And I've gone through some pretty tough times since then. But the progress I've made has been totally worth it! ~Shadow