Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Off and on in my mind, I’ve known that I’ve been coming up on an anniversary of sorts. The remembrance is more undertone than thought, something that colors my feelings and perceptions through everything else in my life. As I walked into the theater this afternoon to see X2: X-Men United with Nate and John, Coldplay’s “Trouble” played over the speakers. As music often does, it brought me into focus.

A year ago, I had a dream, marking the beginning– or return to– a larger journey. I do indeed have my life back, confusing as ever, with a fair share of new twists. The last year has been spent learning what love requires and what it means to be faithful, getting intimately acquainted with irony and weirdness. I’ve given and received, taken risks and taken losses. Made plenty of mistakes, and though I learned from them and their costs, I learned still more from the ones I didn’t make and why.

I don’t think it gets easier from here, and honestly, I don’t know that I want it to. I know who I am, and I’d rather face the fire than run from it. Show up and see what happens. Where else would I go?

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