–I Corinthians 15:19
This has been one of those days when trying to be faithful has cost me something. Is that what Jesus wanted? Will it make a difference? I have to trust that the economy of the Kingdom is different than my own, hope that my actions were born of devotion rather than pride. I wish I were sure. I don't doubt Him, not for a moment. Yet I feel like a fool and wonder if I've risked based on my ego instead of at His leading.
The line between being a fool and being abandoned to God is blurry at its best, and sometimes seems non-existent. Indeed, sometimes it is. The knot in my gut over today will pass. Perhaps it already is.