Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Faithful or fool?

If it is for this life only that Christ has given us hope, we of all men are most to be pitied.

–I Corinthians 15:19

This has been one of those days when trying to be faithful has cost me something. Is that what Jesus wanted? Will it make a difference? I have to trust that the economy of the Kingdom is different than my own, hope that my actions were born of devotion rather than pride. I wish I were sure. I don't doubt Him, not for a moment. Yet I feel like a fool and wonder if I've risked based on my ego instead of at His leading.

The line between being a fool and being abandoned to God is blurry at its best, and sometimes seems non-existent. Indeed, sometimes it is. The knot in my gut over today will pass. Perhaps it already is.

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