Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Choosing loneliness

Was a poor steward of time today, resulting in my staying home rather than going out. Actually, time alone isn't to blame. Feeling too lonely to be with people, though I know that makes no sense. I'll regret it tomorrow, when John and Nate tell me about the show, yet can't bring myself to go and feel this alone amid a crowd. Somehow it seems more manageable remaining physically alone. Maybe making a mistake, again.

The loneliness isn't permanent; it just hits hard sometimes, and all I can do is put my arms up and take the punches like a boxer against the ropes. Perhaps retreat isn't the answer, but there's plenty of time with others ahead tomorrow, and I fear running on empty.

Or that's all rubbish, and I'm just plain afraid.

There may be a long walk in my future tonight.
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