Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai
  • Mood: lonely
  • Music: Phil Keaggy, "Symphonic Dance"

Choosing loneliness

Was a poor steward of time today, resulting in my staying home rather than going out. Actually, time alone isn't to blame. Feeling too lonely to be with people, though I know that makes no sense. I'll regret it tomorrow, when John and Nate tell me about the show, yet can't bring myself to go and feel this alone amid a crowd. Somehow it seems more manageable remaining physically alone. Maybe making a mistake, again.

The loneliness isn't permanent; it just hits hard sometimes, and all I can do is put my arms up and take the punches like a boxer against the ropes. Perhaps retreat isn't the answer, but there's plenty of time with others ahead tomorrow, and I fear running on empty.

Or that's all rubbish, and I'm just plain afraid.

There may be a long walk in my future tonight.
Subscribe

  • The analog ideal and the digital real

    There’s an underlying issue that’s been bugging me on the digital vs. analog stuff I’ve seen off and on for some time. So on Facebook, I tried to lay…

  • Being the limiting resource in the rushing stream

    Last weekend was our church's annual Men's Retreat, with the theme of "Living Intentionally." Though I was only able to attend a portion of the time…

  • Losses and messes

    Hasn't been the easiest past couple of weeks. Nothing awful in the scheme of things; just a steady stream of losses and messes, departures and FUBAR…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    switch
    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
    Help
  • 2 comments