Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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The year of irony

Thankful for a few brief words across miles tonight, though additional, smaller things have gone wrong. My ATM card is AWOL, discovered that a check remained in my checkbook rather than being sent with a bill on Saturday, and I don't know where the energy for the week ahead will come from. Thankfully, I was able to be still long enough to spend some time in Scripture, and prayer punctuates my silences and struggling. I can do little; He can do much. Faith comes harder when I long to act.

As mentioned last week, Static/Epiphany will be featuring one of my journal entries as its focus this month. Decided that I'd like to keep the entry anonymous in the publication for multiple reasons. The odd thing is deciding what to submit— can't very well respond to my own journal, yet if I don't have any work in the next issue, it could look strange. So instead, I combed some past writing for pieces that might provide context, then gave Ben "Destiny weights," "Quiet," "Losing my grip," and "Shade" yesterday for his review. Perhaps these may serve as other facets, refracting the same stream of light.

I post at the the moment of my birth, thirty-three years ago (that time has already passed in Iowa, where I was born). Reflecting on the year behind, I would describe it as a year of great strangeness and irony. But that alone would miss so much of the beauty wrapped in the mystery, the life I've found in the confusion. It would take better poetry than I can write to capture this year. In it, I have learned much about what it means to be faithful, much about what love requires. And I am learning still.

A friend would ask me if I had any regrets. While there have been plenty of mistakes on my part, I would still say no. Yes, I am learning still.
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