December 1st, 2004


True worship

How we prize the fire just now! How pleasant is its cheerful glow! Let us in the same manner prize our Lord, who is the constant source of warmth and comfort in every time of trouble. Let us draw nigh to Him, and in Him find joy and peace in believing. Let us wrap ourselves in the warm garments of His promises, and go forth to labours which befit the season, for it were ill to be as the sluggard who will not plough by reason of the cold; for he shall beg in summer and have nothing.

Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Morning and Evening (1 December, Morning: "The Winters of Life")

Still rattled a bit from last night. Nothing major; just the unsettledness that comes of long days and not being sure how best to care for those entrusted to me. There's plenty to talk and pray about Thursday with Annette, Heather, and Nate.

Truth is more important than understanding. If God says things about Himself that I don't understand, that should do anything but surprise me. Rather, I should be continually surprised by how much of Himself He's chosen to reveal and make me understand at all. God makes choices, and each of them brings Him glory. That's not subject to my stamp of understanding or approval, it simply is. Good is not simply what I imagine it to be.

Do I believe God has authority only where I've given the OK, or does He simply have it? Only the latter can be true if He is God. Seeking to understand Him is far from a fruitless effort, but it must not be confused with seeking to conform Him to my understanding. The former is a central part of worship; the latter is the root of idolatry.

Idolatry can look and feel so good and right. Indeed, it repackages so many beautiful things in terms that are my own and casts aside the rest of truth.

True worship can be so very uncomfortable and disruptive. The terms are His and He is not like me, though He is making me more like Himself in the fullness of time.

Who gets to define which is which? Only He. He is good both in what He affirms and in what He condemns. Both are necessary for His glory.
  • Current Music
    Jumpin' Jimmy and the Mistletones, "Sleigh Ride"

Leaning in

Just booked my flight home for Christmas. Home isn't really the right word, though, because Seattle and my apartment are very much my home now. Regardless of terminology, it will be good to spend time with family for a few days. The last couple of years have been special treats now that I have a nephew and nieces. I miss their faces.

Feeling terribly busy, yet when I take an objective look, it's not really too bad. What's up? Much of it is that I have trouble resting and being still, yet I crave time to myself, so I easily feel put upon. Tonight has been a little quieter and I can literally feel myself slowly coming to my senses. I go through this all the time but never manage to actually fix it, so learning not to take my dysfunction out on the world is the next best order of business, and I'm doing better with that.

Longing, hope, and joy. I've got a cup full of Advent for sure. That those can exist simultaneously is a great comfort to me (and a real shock to some). I'm tired of running from tension, and God never intended me to do that in the first place.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm