November 30th, 2004


I AM (not)

Wiped out. Not a bad day at all, but Community Group got caught up in a passionate discussion of predestination, election, and judgment. He is so Other and resists to the end our desire to explain Him away. That being said, we also have to deal with Him as He has revealed Himself to us, not as we might wish Him to be based on our own sensibilities. That is always, always hard work, and it's tempting to run from it to the safety of the places where He is as we want Him to be.

Without the rest, without the freedom to be who He is, we make Him an idol, manageable and ready to do our bidding. No one gets to relate to God that way. It's not worship. Worship is responding to Him—He is I AM, and I am not.

Leading is rough on nights like this, but it's a good kind of rough. I'm not enough; the well of my inadequacy is bottomless. My only hope is to learn to drink from another well, to hope for and trust in streams of living water as He promised, to believe they will be enough for all our thirsty souls. Hitting my limits brings me to Him, so I'm thankful.
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    exhausted exhausted