November 9th, 2004


Tuesday stuff

Tuesdays are meeting days: Heather, Staff, Community Group. I'm learning not to schedule in much other work on Tuesdays, which is a sanity saver. If I try to do too much and fail to leave room for the inevitable interruptions, I get frustrated and disappointed.

Writing is hit-and-miss lately. Actually, everything is hit-and-miss lately. Analysis is only so helpful, but I realized yesterday evening that some of my moodiness might be about the season—Thanksgiving isn't my best one anymore. The antidote, ironically, is the exercise of actually giving thanks for how richly I'm blessed. Even so, it's still a little rough, and that's OK. I need God.

Behind on email, so hopefully I can catch up a bit on that later today. Very much looking forward to some time at a coffee shop this afternoon between meetings, schedule permitting. I'm thankful for my city.
  • Current Mood
    okay okay

Fathoming Gethsemane

Do you doubt, O Christian, do you doubt as to whether God will fulfill His promise?...Perhaps your affliction will continue upon you till you dare to trust your God, and then it shall end.

Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Morning and Evening (9 November, Evening: "No Light Sin")

What does it mean for God's heart to grieve? Lately, faced with my own (often illegitimate) griefs and disappointments, I've been drawn to consider His heart. What does He feel when I am unfaithful? How terrible for the only heart pure in love to be broken! I only have a taste and it feels like too much. I cannot fathom Gethsemane.

Yet that is exactly what I must consider if the gift of repentance is to be realized in my life. His tears are not the end of the story, but they are part of the story. God's passionate love includes the pain of it, far beyond the echoes I can know.

"You are more than this," He says to His children, over and over, even while our ears are filled with the sound of our own distractions and pursuits. We make so much noise. Pursuing those things that please us and grieve Him, we completely deny His claim on us. We reject His love for our lusts (the Bible's imagery of "skirts over our heads" and "camels in heat" is apt). Most of the time, we don't even admit it.

I think so much about how I feel and so little about how He feels. Yet my feelings are untrustworthy, while He can never be untrue.

It is a grace for me to be discontent in these parts of my life. My restlessness exposes counterfeits, calling me out to true Rest. It will continue upon me till I dare to trust my God.
  • Current Mood
    loved loved