August 16th, 2004

Radioactive

"Somebody's got a case of the Mondays!"

Today had a lot more Monday in it than most. Late start, time poorly spent, and forgot my bus pass, resulting in $2.75 in stupid fees to get to and from work. Ran off at the mouth more than once talking people down; that's a habit I need to break regardless of how I feel. My head felt foggy most of the day, complete with strange pressure in my ears. Almost forgot it was payday, which would have been a bad thing because I write the paychecks. A bunch of my to do list remains undone.

Even so, if that's as bad as my day gets, God is infinitely merciful to me. The evening has been quiet and I decided to stay in. Tomorrow promises to be full.
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    mellow mellow
Light

Checkmate

The time has come for us to quit playing chess with God over our lives. We cannot win, but we can delay the victory, dragging on the pain of grasping and the poison of possessing. You see, there are two kinds of losses in life. The first is shared by all mankind—the losses that come to us. Call them what you will—accidents, fate, acts of God. The point is that we have no control over them. We do not determine when, where, what, or even how. There is no predicting these losses; they happen to us. We choose only how we respond. The second kind is known only to the pilgrim. They are the losses that we choose. A chosen loss is different from repentance, when we give up something that was never ours to have. With a chosen loss, we place on the altar something very dear to us, something innocent, whose only danger is in its goodness, that we might come to love it too much. It is the act of consecration, where little by little or all at once, we give over our lives to the only One who can truly keep them.

—John Eldredge, The Journey of Desire
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    awake awake