July 13th, 2004



Our soul’s personal history with God is often an account of the death of our heroes. Over and over again God has to remove our friends to put Himself in their place, and that is when we falter, fail, and become discouraged.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (13 July,"The Price of the Vision")

This is the quiet I need, the quiet I run from day after day. It's like playing chess with myself, countering move for move to stay in safe, distracted territory. Sometimes I think I ought to take a baseball bat to my television, except that it's a symptom and I'd just raise up something else in its stead.

Let me remember Your goodness, O Lord. Speak it to my heart and let me preach it to myself. Remind me of the joy of this early hour, when there is enough quiet to hear Your still, small voice, enough clarity to see Your hand through my life, enough heart to be repentant, grateful, hopeful, and joyous. Remind me that there are two of us I leave behind as I rush past You day after day: You, my every longing and love, and myself—the deep, true, real me whose name You alone know.

The loneliness that comes with the loss of friends is one of my steadier laments, a disappointing wound that I try to heal by going my own way, by sin. I hate that things are not as they once were, that affection and life itself are both passing in this world. I long for restoration, but so rarely do I lift my head in anticipation of a vision of You. Often I even ask where You are, but keeping You distant makes You a better scapegoat for my hurts than daring to draw near.

Here You are, Abba, patient and inviting, seeing Your Son when You look at me with nothing but love, in spite of all I've done. You see what You created and are creating and will see through to completion in Christ, unsullied by anything and everything that is not of You. You call to life a man who knows You as his strength, his comfort, his courage, his peace. Thank You.

Your priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, "In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You."

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (13 July,"The Price of the Vision")
  • Current Mood
    loved loved

Fire. Meat.

Beth had to work late tonight, so I hosted a Community Group cookout at my place—the inaugural run of my new grill. It's my first, so I had irrational joy and even initial nervousness about the whole affair. Everything went wonderfully; we feasted on chicken andouille and chicken and apple sausages, and cajun and garlic hot dogs, plus all the usual sides (veggies and dip, fruit, chips and dip, soda). Made me happy, it did. I have a grill, and I cooked meat on it.
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished