May 16th, 2004



We think it is a sign of true humility to say at the end of the day, "Well, I just barely got by today, but it was a severe struggle." And yet all of Almighty God is ours in the Lord Jesus! And He will reach to the last grain of sand and the remotest star to bless us if we will only obey Him. Does it really matter that our circumstances are difficult? Why shouldn’t they be! If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we remove God’s riches from our lives and hinder others from entering into His provision. No sin is worse than the sin of self-pity, because it removes God from the throne of our lives, replacing Him with our own self-interests. It causes us to open our mouths only to complain, and we simply become spiritual sponges—always absorbing, never giving, and never being satisfied. And there is nothing lovely or generous about our lives.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (16 May, "The Habit of Recognizing God's Provision")

That's not a "health and wellness" gospel; it's simply an acknowledgment of His constant goodness, letting that truth be the measure of what I have (rather than the other way around). I'd be well served to do this more.

Bad attitude yesterday; just plain cynical and rebellious. I seem to believe I have the right to indulge these moods, but I don't.

My left eye hurts.

HEHLLO! I love my city.
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    exanimate exanimate


There is good in seeing where God may be at work even in the warp and woof of the ordinary, the mundane, the little things. Misplaced the church keys for a while as I was doing lock-up after service. It's interesting to keep a running tally of where my mind and heart wander when I do things like that—almost like a pop quiz on my spiritual state, a mini-Lent. There's the frustration, the self-deprication, the suspicion of others, when and how I pray, where my trust is, whether and when I am grateful when He pulls me through.

(Eventually found them still in a door, where I was sure I'd looked. This may have occurred because God wanted to run me through those paces, or because I'm an idiot. Probably a combination of the two.)

Lunched with Annette, Cynthia, and MiYoung. Good conversation, about relationships, conflict, betrayal, and obedience; some of what I've been thinking about this week came into the conversation, about Christ being formed in us and seeing the life of Jesus manifested in our bodies. I sent them some excerpts later, because my thoughts seem slightly less muddled in writing than in speech. Regardless, I get excited when I see God working the same themes and questions in lives within His church. Aslan is on the move.

Decided to go to Jeremy's Senior Art Exhibition reception for Community Group this week; turns out mptphlosofer is one of the other artists exhibiting. Good times; looking forward to it.

Watched Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan from the Couch of Divorce with a blanket, popcorn, and Cherry Coke tonight. Sometimes my standards for a good evening are pretty simple.
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    relaxed relaxed