April 12th, 2004

Radioactive

Naked emperors

Though I feel better than I was feeling last night, I'm still oversensitive and aware of it. When I'm like this, it's not just people I'm oversensitive with, it's everything—light, sounds, temperatures, the works. Usually manifests as being angry at the world, and I know that's no way to be.

Days like these, I'm tempted to call bullshit on almost everyone, to tell them where I think they're being ridiculous, lying to themselves and/or the world, and to tell them to just stop it for the sake of honesty, truth, and not miring the rest of us in manure. I'd like to do that for a day, but I think I'd drive everyone away and hate myself by the end of it. Probably long before the end of it.

Even so, there are a whole lot of little emperors sauntering about without a stitch of clothing on, and I wonder why we humor them.
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated
Light

The whole ball of wax

"You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you..." (Acts 1:8)—not power as a gift from the Holy Spirit; the power is the Holy Spirit, not something that He gives us. The life that was in Jesus becomes ours because of His Cross, once we make the decision to be identified with Him. If it is difficult to get right with God, it is because we refuse to make this moral decision about sin. But once we do decide, the full life of God comes in immediately. Jesus came to give us an endless supply of life—"...that you may be filled with all the fullness of God" (Ephesians 3:19). Eternal life has nothing to do with time. It is the life which Jesus lived when He was down here, and the only Source of life is the Lord Jesus Christ.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (12 April, "Complete and Effective Dominion") [emphasis mine]


That's it. That's the whole ball of wax. That's the wall I hit time and again, the struggle I try to dress up in theological/philosophical garb so that it looks like I'm being a deep thinker instead of a stubborn, self-centered. disobedient pig. If I am indeed going to wrestle with the desire to call bullshit on others, I'd better be willing to do it on myself. And that's it.

But that's also the hope and the promise. Those outweigh my own petty considerations. Thanks be to God.
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable uncomfortable