April 6th, 2004


On the track

Been working through the whole day and night, which is productive and even enjoyable to a point, but I think I'm working something else out through my work. That's bad practice for, because work can become an idol in a snap for me; always has. It's a refuge, a strength, a source of identity and approval, a way to define myself and my worth. That's idolatry, plain and simple, and it doesn't become any less so when I work for a church. And I'm learning a lot about idols—they always let you down and walk out on you at a critical point, and they never love you back.

Not that my job is bad in any way; it's a huge blessing. I'm the idolmaker; the issue is with my heart.

Uncomfortable where I am in time. Feel the longing to jump ahead to tomorrow, or back to somewhen else. But time is linear; you can't jump the track. And if you do for some reason, you'll never make it back in sync. Ever.
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