March 12th, 2004



Our motive for surrender should not be for any personal gain at all. We have become so self-centered that we go to God only for something from Him, and not for God Himself. It is like saying, "No, Lord, I don’t want you; I want myself. But I do want You to clean me and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. I want to be on display in Your showcase so I can say, ’This is what God has done for me.’" Gaining heaven, being delivered from sin, and being made useful to God are things that should never even be a consideration in real surrender. Genuine total surrender is a personal sovereign preference for Jesus Christ Himself.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (12 March, "Total Surrender")

This surrender is difficult for me, some days more than others. Finding that I have less and less reason to surrender except for His sake, however, and that's a grace. Died to a lot of my own ambitions and illusions about myself, and find myself challenged to die to more. Regardless of how it may seem to me in the moment, it's most likely that there's much more of the iceberg of sin and self below the surface than above. Surrender is the only way, and I hope my preference for Christ Himself will grow beyond my preference for myself.

How wonderful, to prefer Him, to have my relationship with Him rooted in love rather than simply in belief!

Content for most current sections of the church website (that's for you, musicismath) is now updated. Still need to do the "Outreach" section (which should be retitled "Mercy and Missions"), the content can be beefed in a few places, a new section or two should be added (maybe "Worship" and/or "Media"), and the whole thing needs a fresh design (there are a couple of designer/artists at the church I want to let have a crack at it), but this is a start at having something useful and updateable. It'll do in the interim.

The day off goes well. Spent my time thus far either on the couch or in my easy chair (it was feeling neglected, I think). May zip to Victrola for some time in a few minutes; also looking at the possibility of dinner and a pint or more at Murphy's this evening. This is a day I've needed, and though I'm still feeling a bit off, I'll take it.
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