December 27th, 2003


Win in the end

Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year, but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (27 December, "Where the Battle is Won or Lost")

Being up early is a very, very good sign. Means health is returning to my body and soul. Sipping Earl Grey by candlelight as I read and write is one of the most peaceful experiences of my world. It's been too long.

Back to work today, which is more blessing than burden. Annette, Heather, and Nate are coming over at 9:00 to pray and prepare for Community Group this week. Then to the office to prepare things for tomorrow's worship services. Tomorrow is Dave's last sermon at our church— sad to be losing him, but joyous to know how God has used him to care for us over the past couple of years, and to see how God is providing for us and for him as we move forward.

Hard to believe 2003 is nearly behind me. Another unexpected one. Who can say what is next? Yet I have assurance and peace that the longings of my heart will be fulfilled, not in the ways and times of my choosing, but in His. Though I struggle often, this truly helps. Perhaps this is hope rightly understood.

Now I'm able to attack
I won't hide behind the mask
What you see is what you'll get from me

I am stronger than they think
They can force me to the brink
And now I know I'll win

—Douglas Brayfield, "Win In The End"
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