October 26th, 2003

Black

(no subject)

Dave preaches as I write. Strange and perhaps disrespectful to do so, but I can hear the message better if I also wrestle with my internal processes meanwhile.

Think I dreamed something last night, but I don't think I'll let myself remember. Don't even know if it was good or bad. It doesn't really matter. I know enough about the feel of it, the scent of it, the sense of it, the weight of it to know which part of my heart was involved.

This may be a difficult season.

I've known that for a while, known what was coming and when it was coming, what was and what is. God hasn't failed or vanished. All things are working together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

And yet there are losses.

It's OK. I'm OK and I'll be OK. This can be a time for me to be closer to Him and those in my life than I've ever been, if my eyes will turn to Jesus over and over again, in plenty and in want. It's time to be real and true, and hopefully, faithful.
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    melancholy melancholy