September 28th, 2003


Lacking gratitude

Just walked home from the church building to get a key I discovered was in my pocket all along, so now I'm walking back. Seems to be a sick day for a number of our usual Sunday servants as well. Lots of frustrations, and I am frustrated, yet my mind has been fixed on gratitude and my lack of it all morning.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired so much of the time. It's a rotten attitude I carry with me too often. Remembering the truth, having faith, believing the gospel results in an underlying spirit of gratitude in all circumstances. Indeed, how can it not?

Don't want to fake it, however. There's no life in that, none at all, and my bitter parts will simply grow more bitter and ugly by the day if I (continue to) try to live by pretense. It's going to require that I be with God and ask Him to be with me, something I desperately long for and am desperately afraid of.

Back at the church now, so time to go.
  • Current Mood
    thoughtful thoughtful

Disappointments and second choices

Decided to eat dinner out this evening, but arrived to find my restaurant of choice, Bangkok on Fifteen, closed. Now I'm too pissed to settle on a second choice. Instead, I've stopped into Victrola for Colloque Wheel, a monthly reading series for community authors. Not in the mood, honestly, but it makes my trip for something rather than nothing. I realize this makes no sense.

(Some of this stuff is just not good, and I can't tell if it's the reading or the material. The fact that I have to struggle to figure out the difference is not a good sign.)

More time, less noise. Where is the space I need?

No wonder I'm hungry: I've eaten a pan au chocolat and a nectarine today. Foolish. Don't know what's the matter with me.
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry