October 31st, 2002

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Odd little day

This is an unusual, scattered day. Didn't feel quite like myself waking up, and I'd hoped to take the day off, but just realized that our payroll tax forms and L&I insurance payment are both due today. So to the office I shall go, as briefly as possible, to get the loose ends tied, unless I can somehow find a loophole.

Sara is back in town from Portland this week and will be able to join us for Community Group tonight. This means much randomness, but also much joy.

The ladies of Victrola are wearing black today, with bright colored wigs. It's fun.

Halloween is special to me, because it's when Jesus drew me to faith in Him. I was eight years old, garbed in my bright green Incredible Hulk poncho and mask, at a party hosted by the odd little church in my odd little town. I was an odd little boy, so it all worked.

What's troubling me so today? Probably me.
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    discontent discontent
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Ugh

I'd hoped somehow to have my emotional kinks ironed out by this point in the day, but such isn't the case. God, I wish You'd just come fix everything, heal everything, restore everything. I'm sick of myself, literally sick. Want to post "keep away" signs all around me, because I'm too tired for all but those closest to me and I'm afraid of harming those who remain. I don't want them to keep away; I just want to not be an idiot. That doesn't seem like an option. Can't say what I mean, don't know what I mean. I'm a minefield of misunderstanding and miscommunication.

This entry's pointless, except to try to get it out of my system and to ask forgiveness from anyone sucked into my weirdness today. It's left a knot in my stomach— that was never something I wanted to pass along.

Too bad they aren't serving cake at this pity party. At least I get to use the grotesque "sick" icon.
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    sick sick