September 9th, 2002


My name floats in my coffee

(Chris at Victrola wrote it in the foam on the top of my latté.)

Awake at 04:45 today. Not troubled, just awake. Ready. Open to what may be asked of me today.

No pressure to go into work until noon, though I'm likely to do so earlier. Besides a 13-hour day yesterday, I have a Session meeting at 19:00, and plan to remain at the office until then (it makes little sense to go home). I like freedom and flexibility in work, and I tend to work harder under those conditions. That's not entirely true— I can also be a big, lazy bum. But I can flourish under freedom, and I hope to be faithful with what I've been given.

Read about Solomon, who asked God for wisdom. Solomon's life is a mess of contradictions, just like mine. I want to trust God more than Solomon did, to try to live out of dependence on the Giver over dependence on the gifts. Not just dependence— joy. Waiting on/hoping in Him challenges me. I want to grab for "everything under the sun," rather than wait for it to be given to me.

Sensing flux, change on the horizon. I don't fear it— I fear myself in it, trying to take command and make everything work out. Unless I'm called to, that's not my place. Not sure what to pray, but I pray anyway, knowing the Spirit intercedes for me. Good can come of this. I want to stay, to be present, to bear witness, to be used, even to be blessed. Can I?

There's a gentleman at Victrola I'd like to like, but who reminds me very much of someone I don't like at all (from the Year of Hell). Not that I need to form an opinion. Yet I'd be foolish indeed to mistrust my gut in this case.

Plan to approach today's work at a relaxed pace, running for distance rather than speed. Lots of hours call for lots of breaks and lots of laughter, wide margins for giving and receiving love, for experiencing rest that comes with the easy yoke and the light burden.
  • Current Music
    the innocence mission

Second wind, or after

Going to take me a while to wind down. Just got home from a long, largely productive day at the office. Being at the Session meeting should help me with a clearer sense of what's going on at the church, which will improve matters overall at work. Having some virtual company part of the day helped make working long a breeze.

So now what do I do? Maybe tiredness will catch up with me, but I kind of doubt it. Relearning my capabilities and limits daily. I think they're changing, too. And I might just like it.
  • Current Mood
    chipper chipper