June 28th, 2002

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Unsaid

Been sitting here for half an hour, trying to write, and I can't. I can't write any of the things I want to in this moment. I watch a man and a woman clasp hands across a table in friendship? comfort? love? Who can say from this distance.

I'm grateful for what I've been given. Even if.

No, I can't write any of the things I want to write in this moment. Maybe they can be read anyway.

I pray.
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Humble pie

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

—Philippians 4:6-7


Today has been difficult. In addition to my own heart's stirrings, I spent the day at the office trying to untangle the mess that is our church finances. We didn't make payroll; paying the rest of the bills will also be a challenge. Worse, my understanding of our books via the computer system led me to believe we had more money in the bank than we do. Has my pride led us to this?

Trusting God's provision literally from week to week is humbling, even desperate at times. To trust that this is used to His glory stretches me. I'm not relishing trying to explain our situation to our Elders or Finance Team. I feel responsible, at least for misassessing our situation. We are spending responsibly, but giving is down and I should have seen this sooner, before it was a crisis.

And yet, this isn't even the burden I'm feeling the most. Jesus, we need you.

He heals the broken hearted
and binds up their wounds.

—Psalm 147:3
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