May 15th, 2002

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Trying

Up at 4:30 am today; couldn't sleep any longer. Had to facilitate Men's Prayer at 6:30, so time alone with my thoughts was mercifully limited. Just before sleep and just after waking will be the hardest.

God has been taking good care of me, I think. Some obvious measures of His grace. It's hard. I'm amazed at the courage of others. We all have to find our brave faces.

Work was a welcome distraction: invoices, checks, payroll, staff meeting. Responsibility and duty have been my dodge, my refuge in times past. This time I have to be willing to let the wound stay, to feel it. I have to trust that Jesus is up to something.

So much I want to (try to) write, but can't. The unsaid things must speak for themselves, in their own voices.