December 8th, 2001



A certain centurion's servant, who was dear to him, was sick and at the point of death. When he heard about Jesus, he sent to him elders of the Jews, asking him to come and save his servant. When they came to Jesus, they begged him earnestly, saying, "He is worthy for you to do this for him, for he loves our nation, and he built our synagogue for us."

Jesus went with them. When he was now not far from the house, the centurion sent friends to him, saying to him, "Lord, don't trouble yourself, for I am not worthy for you to come under my roof. Therefore I didn't even think myself worthy to come to you; but say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man placed under authority, having under myself soldiers. I tell this one, 'Go!' and he goes; and to another, 'Come!' and he comes; and to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."

When Jesus heard these things, he marveled at him, and turned and said to the multitude who followed him, "I tell you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel."

Those who were sent, returning to the house, found that the servant who had been sick was well.

-Luke 7:2-10

This is my favorite story from the gospels. Something different hits me about it almost every time I read it; I could go on and on. This morning, I'm struck by the idea of worthiness. The elders say Jesus should help because the centurion is worthy. The centurion knows he is not, and this is the faith at which Jesus marvels (this is the only time this word is used in a positive sense in the gospels-- every other time Jesus "marvels," it is at unbelief). Amazing faith is rooted in humility.

I'm just excited as can be today, for no other reason than it's Saturday, my day off. I have hours of Buffy on tape to catch up with, and I'm also thinking this might be the day for my annual listening to Patrick Stewart's one-man version of A Christmas Carol. It is truly a joyful noise.
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    excited excited


Had to get out of the apartment-- I could feel the doldrums overtaking. A man can only take so much lazing about, though it's hard to believe I would ever reach a limit. Victrola advertised "classic jazz" tonight, and though the band is playing lounge music better suited to a pompadour (there are some here, in the band and in the house), I'm far from unhappy. I feel hipper by the moment.

Jen approached me on her way out, observing that she had started and ended her day with me. I really love the atmosphere she and Chris have created here with many hours and much sweat. They are a good couple and good business owners; I wish them much success and reward.

I decided to try Reed's Ginger Ale, since a full house is a warm house. Glad I tried, but I won't have it again. Like drinking iced tree bark. Points for authenticity.

There are those rare moments, like this one, when I wouldn't mind some company, even a hand to hold. I don't know what I'd say, but the good thing about wishing is that it's my wish, so I wouldn't need say anything at all.

At least I'm out, I tell myself. And in this moment, it is better to be. Maybe I'm on the outside looking in sometimes, but at least I'm looking in, and that's a start.
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    okay okay