June 24th, 2001

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Full moon

A girl just came up to my window, said "my friends are making me do this," and mooned me. And this is the closest thing I've had to a date in recent history.
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    surprised surprised
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Store in a cool, dry place

When I think about how I'm doing spiritually, I just want to shake my head. Inside, I'm empty, and I can't even find the desire for things to be any different. Virtually no prayer and no Bible reading in recent memory; I even skipped out on church this morning. The lack of spiritual activity isn't what frightens me-- my apathy is.

Even claiming to be disturbed or afraid indicates more emotion than I'm truly feeling. I know there are dry times, desert times. Do they feel different from falling away? I'm apathetic about my sin as well, though certainly more faithful in pursuing it than I have been in pursuing Him.

My only hope (as always, for all of us) is that my relationship with God is built on His faithfulness, not mine. I simply wonder why I don't care more.
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    apathetic apathetic