Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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This year

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter;
   to search out a matter is the glory of kings.

—Proverbs 25:2

If this year has brough anything to my life, it has been an appreciation of God's mystery. He's completely blown my doors off, placing me in positions where the only alternative to faith is madness. Flooded with unanswered questions, overwhelming both in quantity and in depth, He's only allowed Himself to be the answer. It's been a long time since known despair and gratitude within the same breath; this rhythm has reestablished during the past year.

That's the high drama, the big picture. As with anyone, it's been a year of months, months of weeks, weeks of days, and days of moments. In some of those, the best of those, I've begun to learn what it means to be faithful, to do what love requires. I have failed spectacularly, been reckless with risks, and never found grace to be lacking.

Much of the casting of my life has been fresh in this year: new players and old players in new roles. Though there's been a twist or two, many of the themes of the plot are very familiar, a continuation of a story. My hope and promise is that He will be faithful to me in it, that at the end of the journey, He will give me my name.

I've seen God do amazing things this year. I've seen him carry His people through great trial and pain, seen Him call sheep to Himself, seen Him be constant as He turns the world upside down. I know I've appreciated none of these truths as I ought, but I have nevertheless been blessed to bear witness.

I end this year longing and fulfilled, wild and at peace, on dangerous ground and eternally secure. God is good.

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