Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

  • Mood:

Detachment

Frightened of this thing that I've become...

—Toto, "Africa"


Ran from yesterday morning until a couple of hours ago without sleep. No time; too much to do. Didn't think I had it in me to do that anymore, but apparently a 36-hour day is still possible. Not without cost, however: shifted into "survival mode," which results in a very different me. More efficient, more detached, more in control, colder. Years ago, I would often go without sleep. I remember days and nights like this, but I don't know that I want to start functioning like that again.

Spending the night at the office got a great number of this accomplished. Fifteen minutes before our 8:30 meeting with the accountant, the source of our revenue discrepancies hit in an inspired flash. Good to have those questions answered.

Tried opening up a bit more to my Community Group last night. While I felt loved, I also felt more freakish and strange. It's as if I'm disconnecting from everything/one around me. Separate. Alien. Other.

Stomach is still unsettled, a combination of emotions, physiology, and caffeine. Wore my old coat today. Was it too comfortable?
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