Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

  • Mood:

This world is not my home

Another day of three steps forward and two steps back at work. Doing things right is not my forté, nor is getting things done. Feeling like an idiot isn't getting more comfortable, yet it's happening frequently enough for me to wonder what God is up to. Relying on my own sense of competency (or even having one) seems like less and less of an option.

Let myself think about Jodi a bit today. Dusted off stories long untold. I still miss her. Life is different now.

At tonight's Community Group, Walter talked about the encouragement that comes of sharing our stories, realizing how much we have in common, and drawing strength from those who have gone ahead. Everything he said was right on target, in theory. In practice, it is hard to apply to the stranger parts of my life. I am at once touched by my group's loving, giving hearts, and left feeling alien, knowing how separate I am.

I want to find my home.

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