I'm desperate. I don't know how to persevere without killing my heart. I need God to make things better or make me a better man. He is in the business of both, but I grow restless and faint in the waiting.
My everyday life knows little of my wrestling, though the strain shows occasionally. Focus eludes me. I keep a lid on, as much as I can, and return home exhausted. I know why so much of me shut down for so long before.
But it's not before, not anymore. I feel alive and dead inside all at once. I'm so tired of myself. Press on. Persevere. Have faith.
Come, Lord Jesus.