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Under the wire

Nothing like getting my day's entry started at 23:59.

The day brought some critical realizations, most of which won't lend themselves easily to a journal entry. I am more broken and sinful than I had ever imagined, but that never should have been news to me— only pride, the great self-important lie, would have me believe otherwise. My brokenness reveals my need, and my need reveals my Lord. There is mysterious glory in this.

But I do scare myself more than yesterday, and that's saying something significant. I wanted to be a better man, but better still to be honest. If I hadn't, I'd have crushed something beautiful into ashes, creating and becoming a monster. Despite my actions, there is yet beauty in this.

Uniquely hard to grasp that I could be loved as I am, not as I ought be. That's a bit of theology that seems quite acceptable and safe until I'm confronted with it in reality. Honestly, I'm not sure I've ever faced that in such a real way before now. I had no idea how to respond, except with insecurity. There is a disorienting freedom in this.

Moments of truth aren't always clean or clear. Life is messy. But I'm learning that love requires patience and sacrifice. I suspect this is what faith and hope are for. I need lots of both, and perhaps I got a fresh supply today.

Comments

I don't know what to tell you, or what to say. ::HUGS:: I can give you that, though, because no matter what you're going through, you sound like you need it.
Hugs would be the thing. Thanks.
I don't know if this will make you feel any better... but I was actually going through old journal entries last night and when I read your post this morning it made me think of something I posted a few months ago. All about being taken as is.

Love that post. Thanks for sharing it.

Re:

:)
Life is messy. But I'm learning that love requires patience and sacrifice.

I did my bible study before coming onto LJ tonight, and your words are precisely what God spoke to me during my study. It's oh so hard sometimes.
It's oh so hard sometimes.

That's definitely what I'm learning.