Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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Sustained

Now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit

—2 Corinthians 17-18


I don't think I really grasp the meaning of this passage, but I want to.

The last 24 hours have been unusual, with a hint of dejá vu. Since I had procrastinated work, I spent a good amount of yesterday evening (and a sliver of this early morning) at the office. Slept between three and four hours and have been on the go until now. I'm feeling the need to eat something (since I haven't yet), but other than that, I'm surprisingly okay. I am being sustained.

Yesterday evening was foggy, outside and in. I know my neighborhood well enough to navigate without incident, but my inner self is more unknown to me, and a bit trickier. I took wrong turns and slammed into my own ugliness. I sought clarity, struggled for it, and ended up in mud.

My wrong turns were important, however. Though today's steps are more uncertain, they also have a quality that leaves me a sense of being on track, or closer to it. I think I truly am learning what love requires, or starting to. My heart has expanded. Am I willing to sacrifice? It would be hard, but...I am.

He will take care of me. He will take care of all of us. No matter what.

My tea has cooled to the brink of drinkability.
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