Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Peace disturbs me

You woke up the monsters
I had hidden 'neath my bed
And dreams like these aren't lullabied to sleep
It's the hardest thing to not let hope
Grow wild inside my head
And balance is an awful thing to keep

—Pegleg Annie, "Balance"

Early morning; a good thing. Time to think, to pray, to be. Of course, there are always the tasks of the day, The early morning, however, is as yet untouched— a possibility and a promise.

Said it earlier this week and it's still true: I am more myself than I have been in a long time. There is at once dissonance and peace in this. It's good to have my senses active and sharper. Also dangerous, fearful. Nothing makes sense yet. So why peace? For years I've been breaking myself of trying to look too far ahead. Now, I want to peek. I am impatient.

Though there's some work, rest is the main order of the day. Rest. Easy yoke, light burden. Accepting gifts and finding faith. Comfort, courage, conviction, and correction must all come from Him, not from my own emotions. I want Him to place me in His context, His story. And I can't skip chapters, because that diminishes the beauty and makes the ending less amazing.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

—Romans 8:28

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