Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

  • Mood:


Should be at a party just now (one of two), but I'm not. Should have made calls to shore up volunteers for tomorrow morning's services, but I haven't. Should be seriously stressed about not having done these things and not having all the ducks in a row, but I'm not. Something good about being at Victrola, typing on my iBook— I feel like I'm doing something even while I'm getting nothing accomplished. Sometimes I don't know the difference between peace and denial.

Trying to engage my mind and heart with searching for God's fingerprints, His patterns, His leading. Afraid I (like most) make it more difficult than it truly is, probably in order to reserve for myself the right to filter out the possibilities that don't agree with me. Asking and listening are frightening prospects. Sometimes I hear counsel that smacks of wisdom from friends, yet know I'll go another way.

My vision is becoming clearer when I stop looking so far ahead. Today's faithfulness is often remarkably simple, while tomorrow's faithfulness remains a fearful, impossible puzzle. Wonder sours to fear when I ask "What will I do?" rather than "What will He do?" This moment, this one, often calls for less consideration and more presence from me. Sometimes I ask what God is up to rather than seeing how He is already at work and seeking to join Him there.

Sometimes I'm afraid. Sometimes I'm not.

  • Rhythms and revisiting

    Apparently I'm doing some sort of coffee shop tour, if the past couple of mornings are any indication. Caffe Vita isn't an unusual spot for me,…

  • Push

    Wound up back at Espresso Vivace for the first time in ages, waiting for the bank to open so I can get my workday rolling. One of the effects our…

  • Eventless

    Yesterday was largely eventless, which is what I'd like (and very well might need) more days to be. Beautiful springtime weather was a nice bonus,…

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