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Store in a cool, dry place

mood: apathetic apathetic
When I think about how I'm doing spiritually, I just want to shake my head. Inside, I'm empty, and I can't even find the desire for things to be any different. Virtually no prayer and no Bible reading in recent memory; I even skipped out on church this morning. The lack of spiritual activity isn't what frightens me-- my apathy is.

Even claiming to be disturbed or afraid indicates more emotion than I'm truly feeling. I know there are dry times, desert times. Do they feel different from falling away? I'm apathetic about my sin as well, though certainly more faithful in pursuing it than I have been in pursuing Him.

My only hope (as always, for all of us) is that my relationship with God is built on His faithfulness, not mine. I simply wonder why I don't care more.

Posted on Jun. 24th, 2001 at 09:47 pm | | Communicate | 5 communications |

Comments


kittles

I think we all have "dry spells" from time to time. I know I've felt this same sort of apathy at times, and the same frustration with it. Usually for me it comes when things are going really well for me, when I don't feel so much like I "need" God there because things are so smooth. But I have always felt that God understands that feeling, and I always remember who I am and what I'm here for once a little time has passed.
Posted on Jun. 25th, 2001 05:56 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

For me now, this is a time when I really need Him (leaving my job, etc.). But I do know how untrustworthy my heart is. Thanks for the encouragement, Kit-- it means a lot.
Posted on Jun. 26th, 2001 03:26 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

dixie

All I can say is that I'm available if you need to talk.
Posted on Jun. 26th, 2001 06:45 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

Thanks, Dixie...and one of these days I need to figure out how to read your journal!
Posted on Jun. 26th, 2001 03:27 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

dixie

You're so welcome. . .and I'm emailing you instructions. :)
Posted on Jun. 30th, 2001 07:38 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply