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Store in a cool, dry place

When I think about how I'm doing spiritually, I just want to shake my head. Inside, I'm empty, and I can't even find the desire for things to be any different. Virtually no prayer and no Bible reading in recent memory; I even skipped out on church this morning. The lack of spiritual activity isn't what frightens me-- my apathy is.

Even claiming to be disturbed or afraid indicates more emotion than I'm truly feeling. I know there are dry times, desert times. Do they feel different from falling away? I'm apathetic about my sin as well, though certainly more faithful in pursuing it than I have been in pursuing Him.

My only hope (as always, for all of us) is that my relationship with God is built on His faithfulness, not mine. I simply wonder why I don't care more.


I think we all have "dry spells" from time to time. I know I've felt this same sort of apathy at times, and the same frustration with it. Usually for me it comes when things are going really well for me, when I don't feel so much like I "need" God there because things are so smooth. But I have always felt that God understands that feeling, and I always remember who I am and what I'm here for once a little time has passed.
For me now, this is a time when I really need Him (leaving my job, etc.). But I do know how untrustworthy my heart is. Thanks for the encouragement, Kit-- it means a lot.
All I can say is that I'm available if you need to talk.
Thanks, Dixie...and one of these days I need to figure out how to read your journal!
You're so welcome. . .and I'm emailing you instructions. :)