Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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What love requires (today)

(Simba looks into a pool of water.)
Simba: "That's not my father, that's just my reflection"
Rafiki: "No, look harder."
(Simba's reflection changes to that of his father.)
Rafiki: "You see? He lives in you!"
Mufasa's ghost: "Simba."
Simba: "Father?!"
Mufasa's ghost: "Simba, you have forgotten me."
Simba: "No! How could I?"
Mufasa's ghost: "You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life."
Simba: "How can I go back!? I'm not who I used be!"
Mufasa's ghost: "Remember who you are. You are my son and the one true king. Remember..."

The Lion King

God is answering prayer in wonderful, challenging, terrifying ways. Moving mountains is nothing compared to moving my heart. Praise His mightiness. If He'd shown me that my path would lead here, I'd have laughed, and been tempted to turn and flee soon after. Little wonder that He sometimes lights my way but a step or two ahead, that I would trust the Shepherd, not the path. He tricks me a bit sometimes, but only because of my sheepness. He has to get me to follow.

(Yet I knew. I knew it would come to this. That sense of blessed, damned inevitability. He's never failed me in those circumstances past, yet they have often broken me. And I know we will walk in fire.)

Bill Hybels said, "You have never locked eyes with anyone who Jesus hasn't died for." Debate theology until you're blue, it's still the best, most sobering way for the Christian to experience the world of people, the best way to share God's heart. I can deny love to no one, by enmity or indifference. Love is God's to give, not mine to withhold. And love calls for action.

Someone sittling nearby is wearing a cologne that's making me sneeze. Perhaps if they'd drawn the line at half a bottle, it wouldn't be so bad.

So glad to have the day off. I've been working too hard. At the office until after 23:00 with meetings last night— those boys can talk. I hope my involuntary eye rolling was kept to a minimum. Sometimes I think we're Marthas when we should be Marys, but the responsibility for leading our church lies with the Session, not with me. God has shown great wisdom in and through them in the past, enough to encourage me when I remember.

There is more faith in me today, more hope, more love.

Did you know that this morning was the first morning I can remember, that I didn't open my eyes and feel that sadness... Do you know what I'm talking about? That little bit of sadness? I thought the person that wrote that note had an answer for me. For why I survived that train. For why my life feels so out of balance...

—David Dunn, Unbreakable

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