Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

  • Mood:
  • Music:

My name floats in my coffee

(Chris at Victrola wrote it in the foam on the top of my latté.)

Awake at 04:45 today. Not troubled, just awake. Ready. Open to what may be asked of me today.

No pressure to go into work until noon, though I'm likely to do so earlier. Besides a 13-hour day yesterday, I have a Session meeting at 19:00, and plan to remain at the office until then (it makes little sense to go home). I like freedom and flexibility in work, and I tend to work harder under those conditions. That's not entirely true— I can also be a big, lazy bum. But I can flourish under freedom, and I hope to be faithful with what I've been given.

Read about Solomon, who asked God for wisdom. Solomon's life is a mess of contradictions, just like mine. I want to trust God more than Solomon did, to try to live out of dependence on the Giver over dependence on the gifts. Not just dependence— joy. Waiting on/hoping in Him challenges me. I want to grab for "everything under the sun," rather than wait for it to be given to me.

Sensing flux, change on the horizon. I don't fear it— I fear myself in it, trying to take command and make everything work out. Unless I'm called to, that's not my place. Not sure what to pray, but I pray anyway, knowing the Spirit intercedes for me. Good can come of this. I want to stay, to be present, to bear witness, to be used, even to be blessed. Can I?

There's a gentleman at Victrola I'd like to like, but who reminds me very much of someone I don't like at all (from the Year of Hell). Not that I need to form an opinion. Yet I'd be foolish indeed to mistrust my gut in this case.

Plan to approach today's work at a relaxed pace, running for distance rather than speed. Lots of hours call for lots of breaks and lots of laughter, wide margins for giving and receiving love, for experiencing rest that comes with the easy yoke and the light burden.

  • Losses and messes

    Hasn't been the easiest past couple of weeks. Nothing awful in the scheme of things; just a steady stream of losses and messes, departures and FUBAR…

  • "Keeping up"

    Yesterday was crazy full of appointments and bus rides in between, so I'm thankful to have the decks mostly clear for today. "Keeping up" is a…

  • Eventless

    Yesterday was largely eventless, which is what I'd like (and very well might need) more days to be. Beautiful springtime weather was a nice bonus,…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.