Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Circling round

Woke at 05:30, a good time with Earl Grey, Scripture, and my Lord. Times like these have been pitifully few, I fear. I pray that they will increase as I remember what a blessing it is for my days to begin in such a way.

At church this morning, I was surprised by who came to sit next to me. Sharon was an almost-interest from my brief time in seminary, when we did that odd ritual of circling around one another, sizing up, and choosing not to pursue. She's attractive and sweet, but we were never on quite the same wavelength in humor or intellect. Other than an occasionally random meeting, I hadn't seen much of Sharon until she appeared at our church's prayer meeting last Sunday night.

Still no interest on my end, yet inexplicable intermittent instinct to reach for her hand, or to lean over and whisper as she sat beside me. It wasn't about her, it was just about someone, someone near. Longings and thoughts best kept inside. I once raked my friend Mike over the coals about the inherent abusiveness of being with someone simply because one doesn't want to be alone. I stand by that belief.

Wedding tonight of a couple of church members and friends. Dreading it less rather than more as the time grows closer, which is also unusual for me. Blanche made a point to see if I was going, so we agreed to hang out. I hope Jennifer comes with her: my conversation with Blanche has a tendency to reach awkward stops.

My mind isn't really on all this mundane stuff. I do understand, my friend.

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