Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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Nighttime tea

I thirst.

—Jesus (John 19:28)


As I noted earlier in the week, I haven't felt much like writing. Made myself a cup of tea to relax and realized even that isn't as simple as it used to be. Community Group, while good, felt random, scattered, and a bit superficial. Lots of that was internal: since I haven't opened a lot of who I am to the group, of course they can't reach a lot of me. Catch 22, but I can't imagine throwing my strangeness on the table for discussion and Q & A. It's all too deeply personal and, truth be told, I'm too fragile in those parts to expose them to so many at once.

I smell rain.

I'd write about work, but I just don't care about it all that much today. There's too much busyness now, and none of it can really be sidestepped. Trying to do so keeps biting me in the ass.

People I should call and notes I should write. "Don't talk business until you're ready to do business" is one of my personal rules, and it might be what stays my hand just now. I don't know what I want, what I should pursue, what I should invest in. Or what I can have.

I've finished my tea.
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