Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Fencing infinity

As days off go, this has been good. Slept in, had coffee time, watched The Winter Guest (beautiful), did laundry, took a nap, spent time online, and now I'm back out for more reading and writing time, with some brooding thrown in for good measure.

I have a tendency to drive myself crazy with questions I can't answer, rather than trusting God to be the one to have those answers and see them through— to be sovereign and good. I want to know the rules for being who I am, to know what will make me happy and what will bring only madness and pain. It just isn't that simple; it probably isn't even supposed to be that simple. What is simple (or supposed to be) is to follow, to listen, to wait, to hope, to be free, to be faithful, to release, to stand fast, to play, to rest, to love. I've been given the universe and I look frantically for boundaries.

Still, I wish someone would tell me how it's supposed to work now. I'm glad He has me in His grasp, but I'm still terribly, constantly confused.
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