Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

  • Mood:

Fitful and childish

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

—Romans 7:24

Lots to be done today. Between time spent with financial difficulties, procrastination and poor planning, not feeling well, and a mid-week holiday, I've gotten myself seriously behind. I'm not in a great mood, either, and I hate it when I feel like this. I'd jump at the chance for a do-over on the week, because I have really wasted it.

How I feel isn't going to change a thing about what needs to be done, and having a bad attitude isn't going to get it done well. I want more than just to suck it up, though. I don't want to be the man I feel like now. There's a better, truer me who I'd very much like to be instead.

I think and act and live in ways that make me miserable sometimes, and run, run, run from the things— no, the One— that gives me life. My situation is neither original nor unique, and is also utterly senseless, like the child that fights each night not to go to bed. What am I doing?

Abba, Abba! Repentance precedes rest. I need this gift from You, to deeply desire and enjoy the gift of You. Everything else is meaningless.

Thanks be to God— through Christ Jesus our Lord!

—Romans 7:25

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