Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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A journey's toll

My roller coaster ride is catching up with me. This morning I just felt numb, not from the stress of anything before me, I think, but rather from the weight of everything behind me. Hope I'm not shutting down; that's not what I want. I'm only just beginning to learn to live with all of me again.

I'm not living in fear, though. Last night I had a great Olympic pizza-and-beer retreat with taci, followed by reading time at Victrola, though neither of us read a word. The conversation was better than a book, anyway, and I am learning, learning, learning, even as my heart threatens to give way. Today has been a productive workday thus far. Finished a report, made a deposit, paid some bills: dodging the bullets I can. We still aren't in the ballpark of making payroll, but more checks are coming in today.

And to my joy, my morning walk in took me on a minor detour, on which I learned that my beloved Blue Willow Tea House is now open on Mondays. Having a place like this to be right now is a simple, rich blessing. I also recommend the Dharma Rolls. Oddly, the flute music in the background has a riff that reminds me of Chet Baker singing "My Funny Valentine."

May be starting a new book today, Desiring God by John Piper. I'd love to say there's a profound reason for this choice, but here's the truth: I normally take my meals alone, but I bring something to read so I feel less lonely. Since I neglected to bring the Brennan Manning book I'm finishing to work with me today, I picked Piper's book from the office bookshelf.

Yet God seems to be in the business of surprising me.

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