hopefulAnd although I've been acting like a self-centered pig for a while, the repercussions of it didn't really hit until people started being vulnerable. By trusting me, they put themselves in a position where I would hurt them either way, if I did the right thing or the wrong one.
So I came clean, told the truth, burned the bridges, and shut the doors I never should have opened. These aren't new places for me to stumble, but I've always just run away before (and always ended up coming back). This time I couldn't, not without being honest. I couldn't have people hurting and believing it was because of something they did. They deserved to know that the fault was mine. The rest is between them and God, and all I can do is pray. I never wanted to hurt anyone.
It's funny: I'll do things that I know do damage to me, but if it feels good in the short term, I do them anyway. But once I start caring about other people involved, I reach a point where I can't bear the hurt my actions are going to cause.
I just hope I learn this time, that I really lay all the broken parts of me that made this happen in front of God for His healing touch. I won't pretend it doesn't hurt, or that I'm not scared, but I've been given a tiny, tiny glimmer of faith, and I can't let that gift go to waste.
Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17). That's me.
