Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

Day off or off day

So far, I’ve succeeded in taking at least half of the day off. Things have a way of going south, however, so I’ll not pin all my hopes on freedom from the shackles of work. Our mailing of housing assignments seems to be encountering delay after delay, which is as I expected. Forseeing the worst somehow doesn’t eliminate my frustration when it comes to pass.

I’m still pretty empty and joyless, which means while a day off may be necessary, it’s not likely to be rejuvenating. Searching for the answer to my deadness is a terrifying, painful prospect from which I swiftly and consistently free. The moments can be filled in only a few ways:
  1. With frustration
  2. With indulgence
  3. With pain
Exhaustion is a constant, and moments of emptiness are the most maddening of all.

What can I do? I’m afraid to leave behind any of the indulgences to pursue a real life, out of fear that the emptiness will be filled only by frustration and/or pain. Faith is dead, or at least dry and hidden.

Living Water, Bread of Life, Breath of the Holy Spirit, I need You. Good Shepherd, seek and find me— I am lost and too afraid to come to You.

  • The analog ideal and the digital real

    There’s an underlying issue that’s been bugging me on the digital vs. analog stuff I’ve seen off and on for some time. So on Facebook, I tried to lay…

  • Being the limiting resource in the rushing stream

    Last weekend was our church's annual Men's Retreat, with the theme of "Living Intentionally." Though I was only able to attend a portion of the time…

  • Losses and messes

    Hasn't been the easiest past couple of weeks. Nothing awful in the scheme of things; just a steady stream of losses and messes, departures and FUBAR…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.