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Day off or off day

So far, I’ve succeeded in taking at least half of the day off. Things have a way of going south, however, so I’ll not pin all my hopes on freedom from the shackles of work. Our mailing of housing assignments seems to be encountering delay after delay, which is as I expected. Forseeing the worst somehow doesn’t eliminate my frustration when it comes to pass.

I’m still pretty empty and joyless, which means while a day off may be necessary, it’s not likely to be rejuvenating. Searching for the answer to my deadness is a terrifying, painful prospect from which I swiftly and consistently free. The moments can be filled in only a few ways:
  1. With frustration
  2. With indulgence
  3. With pain
Exhaustion is a constant, and moments of emptiness are the most maddening of all.

What can I do? I’m afraid to leave behind any of the indulgences to pursue a real life, out of fear that the emptiness will be filled only by frustration and/or pain. Faith is dead, or at least dry and hidden.

Living Water, Bread of Life, Breath of the Holy Spirit, I need You. Good Shepherd, seek and find me— I am lost and too afraid to come to You.

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